Area 51 1/2 Page 4

She kicks over a plant and collapses
against wall. She stares blankly.

Athena
Ha! Universally men are just pigs!

Binge is walking down Main St.
His phone rings, he looks at it

Binge
I don’t believe she has the nerve to call me.

He continues on, the phone
starts to ring a second time

Binge
I am not going to answer it. Nope.

He stops to look in the window
of a bathing suite store, well
endowed mannequins are in
the window wearing bikinis.
His phone starts to ring the
third time. He answers

Binge
Hi hon...I miss you too...what do you need?

Athena’s apartment

Athena
I need you to drive a client home.

Binge on street

Binge
You got a lot of friggin nerve! I put up with a lot
crap from you. I’m tolerant of your profession,
I didn’t say squat last week when you had me
over for a romantic dinner only to find out it was
being served by a forty five year old guy in a
carhop uniform on skates. Then you had to spank
between courses! I don’t even blink anymore when
I find a naked man bound and gagged in your
bath tub! But now you want me to drive their
kinky asses home....

Binge walking down Main St.
An ex-police car turned into
Keysburg Beach Taxi slowly
rolls up next to him. Zack
leans over to speak out
passenger side window.

Zack
Exhaustion, depression, no will to live look in the eyes...going over to see the woman you love?

Binge
Does it show?

Zack
Get in.

Binge gets into the front
of cab

Binge
Thanks. Some nights going over there feels like the cliche death penalty walk scence. Though they faced a faster and less painfull death.

Zack
So what mission of mayhem does she have planned for you tonight? Is she going to ask you to help spank Bon Jovi or someone? Or help untie the Govener from her toliet, AGAIN.

Binge
I am getting tired of doing that crap. It’s like I’m her Roadie or something, man. Now she wants me to drive one of her clients home.

Zack
(deriding laughter) OH MAN! What a sap! Remember when she had you help her blackmail that vetenarian from Coast City?

Binge
He owed her money for psycho-sexual therapy sessions and he wouldn’t pay. So I just went over with my dog and a few photos. Thirty grand, and free shots for me and my dog.

Zack
Look at you dude, makin clients pay up, tossing asses when it’s time to leave. Mr. Pimp Daddy ridin with me.

Binge
NO! Don’t even go there....well ok sure, I guess. Look, when you're involved with a woman who works in the adult entertainment industry, you have to have a certain...composure.

Zack
Composure? Like when she asked you to come over and remove a guy’s junk from a shop-vac hose?

Binge
He couldn’t go to the emergency room, he was a television personality from local news.

Zack
I’m sure, I ran news camera for 14 years. Theyr’e all a little freaky. A Vacuum? Was it a weatherman? Was it Steve Chloroform from chanel seven?

Athena’s apartment

Athena
Get in here Binge

Slams door behind him

Athena
You weren't followed by men in black suites were you?

Binge
Just the usual, DEA agents and bill collectors.

Athena
Prepare yourself for this...

Binge
What manner of sexual freak is this one?
A better question might be: What did you get his genitals stuck in?

Athena’s apartment is very
metro modern, alot of
art and chic furniture. On
the door of one room a
country style dried floral
wreath, with a folk art
looking sign that reads:
DUNGEON.As the door is opened,
the alien is seen cowering
in the corner. Binge’s jaw
drops, look of shock.
Sudenly he bursts into
uncontrollable laughter,
doubling over.

Athena
(calmly) Binge, what is so funny?

Binge
I thought I had seen it all over here, men dressed like babies, dressed like schoolgirls, ballerinas, pirates, priests, cowboys, clowns even. But this little dude with the ET fetish beats them all...

Athena
Huh?..uh yea, that’s what it is...a fetish, it’s the latest kink from Japan. This is... Earl,...Earl Grey. For it to work for him, he has to stay dressed like this until you drop him off in the woods.

Bottom of steps, the white
bedsheet sack is motionless
as Binge runs down the steps
to it. He stares at it for a few
seconds, turns to look up
steps to Athena’s. Looks back
at Earl, shakes his head.

Binge
That sucked.

The sack stirs slightly.

Binge
YESSSSSSS! Super Freak Earl lives!

Binge looks up to see Mexican
landscapers staring at him.

Binge
It’s a uh, uh weather balloon.

Binge and Earl in the car

Binge
Oh man that was too perfect! She thought you were for real. As if she’s not paranoid enough!

Binge is driving with a cup of
soda in his right hand.
Exterior on highway:
A truck cuts off the Mercedes
from the left, Binge swerves,
dumping soda and ICE into
Earl’s lap. Alien starts to
scream and flail about in
the car. The car swerves
back and forth thru traffic
causing others to spin out.
Mercedes spins out in grass
median, feet away from a
state trooper asleep in his
patrol car. Mercedes slowly
pulls away back into traffic.

Binge
Good luck trying to talk my way out of that one. Man! Why did you freak like that? It was only ice and soda, it’s not like it was hot coffee. Earl, there was a couple of times I had to put ice on my junk after a night with Athena.

Mercedes exits thru toll booth,
down secondary road. Finally
turns onto a dirt fire trail, proceeds
thru pine barrens to a clearing.

Binge
Ok, I guess this is where she meant. Her directions got very vague after the exit number. Oh, I see she pierced your nipple for you. (whisper) Earl, it's a radio tracking device. I got mine on the first date. Thanks for the help.

Earl pulls out a very
fancy cell phone, dials.

Binge
Is that one of those GPS things? Oh sorry (snicker) Is that how...you...comunicate...with...the ...mutha...ship? (snicker)

Binge gets out, dials cell phone.

Binge
Theen...yea we're here...I guess it is, he navigated. Thank god wer’e out in the middle of nowhere. I was afraid he was taking me to a Star Trek convention. I wouldn’t go to one of those no matter how much sex you promised me.

Athena is on phone in her robe.
steamy bathroom, freshly showered.

Athena
Ok, if you're sure you're in the right location Reach under my sunvisor and you’ll find one of my cell phones, hit redial and listen.

Binge dials second phone,
he holds one up to each ear.
The one beeps out the 42
digit number

Binge
Jeeze, what’s number? Mars?

Binge
It’s ringing....

SFX
buzzing, crackling sound of alien voices

Binge
Sounds like a fax machine or something.

Athena
Perfect. Leave him, get the hell out of there now!

Binge
Whatever.

Athena’s apartment, Binge walks
in, Gimp is just finishing with Athena’s
pedicure.

Binge
Hey Gimp, new collar?

Gimp
Hi Binge. Yes it is. You don't think it's too much, do you?

Binge
Uhm, nah, naah. With so much black on, you can away with it.

Athena
Go back into the cupboard Gimp!

Gimp
Yes ma'am..

Gimp disappears into the kitchen
cupboard door slams

Binge
(turns to viewer)
Some guys would be bugged out about a girlfriend with her own gimp. I don’t care, he does all of the chores around here so I don’t have to.

Athena
Are you talking to your imaginary audiance again? Knock it off, it gives me the creeps. I’ll give you credit, I asked you to do something and you didn’t fudge it up, I’m impressed. Ok I’ll give you sex now...

Binge just stares at the floor

Athena
What’s wrong with you?

Binge
Can we do something different tonight?

Athena
What level of kink haven’t we tried yet?

Binge
How about we light a few candles, and just sit on the couch and cuddle?

Athena
Cuddle? (smiles) You're sweet, I think that’s a first for me.

Athena’s couch, she is on
Binge’s chest, her hand
caressing.

Athena
Binge...

Binge
Hmmmm?

Athena
What do you think the meaning of life is?

Binge
Just to find someone who accepts you for who you really are, and you can be yourself with.

Athena
Kind of sounds kinda like love...

Binge
I guess it is, like how I kinda love you.

Athena
I kinda love you too Binge.

Athena leans toward Binge as
to kiss him, she stops short.
She reaches over and
tweaks his nipple hard

Binge
OW!

Athena
(Giggle)


		Athena’s dungeon Athena brushes her hair back, sighs. Athena This is going nowhere. She pulls out a cigarette, places it in her mouth, looks around for a lighter. leans over alien and starts to search for pockets. She pulls out a lighter sized device, holds it to the cigarette and clicks it.
Athena Great technology, out of fluid.
She let’s go of button, it plays back a clicking sound. Alien makes the same type of sound. Athena raises an eyebrow, holds device to alien, pushes button he repeats the same sound. the device plays back Alien device It is used for translation. Athena Nice. Now maybe I can get some answers. She paces, returns close to alien’s face with device Athena Listen very carefully and answer. Don’t make me give you an anal probe with a popsicle Alien’s large eyes grow larger in fear as she plays back the translation. she speaks into device Athena What ...is...the meaning of life? Alien stammers into device she plays back the translation Alien device We don’t know either, that’s why we visit you. Can I get a HAPPY ENDING now? Athena slams the device into wall and storms out into her living room. Athena’s apartment Athena Are you done now? Good. I need you to drive this one to a state forest west of Atlantic City. Binge on street Binge State forrest? Who is he? Bigfoot? Athena looking at alien Athena Not quite. Just get over here and don’t ask any questions, and keep your mouth shut about what you see. Binge on street Binge This isn’t another one of your clients that I am going to have bury is it? I believed you when you said the last two were an accident, but a third I might see as a pattern... Athena’s apartment Athena Shut up and get over here. Do this and we’ll have sex afterwards. Binge on street Binge Be right over. Athena’s dungeon Athena kneels by alien Athena Stop with the look, you're not getting a happy ending. My almost boyfriend is coming over to drive you back. I’ll have him do it just in case your buddies are waiting.... Alien translation device I feel so dirty and used. Athena Welcome to Earth. Radio in car playing in background AM radio talk show, eerie sounding host Radio Host ...the illuminati has for centuries kept the existence of aliens hidden from the masses. The secret powers that control our planet use the knowledge and technology of alien races to oppress the human race.... Binge What are you listenting to? It sounds like Paul Harvey on acid. Zack The show “Out There” they cover everything from UFO’s to Ghosts, God, Bigfoot..... Binge I don’t believe in any of that crap. IF there is a god, I doubt he’s like anything described by religion. IF he is like any of those gods, I can’t worship him. Zack You don’t believe in BIGFOOT? Binge If I can’t see it or touch it, I don’t believe in it. Zack I always thought artists were into that kind of stuff. Astrology, religion and psychic stuff. Binge Only the dumb-ass surrealists. Did you know that Vincent Van Gogh was a former evangelical minister? AND so was Sam Cinison, coicedance? I think not. Zack Hmp. Interesting comparison. Perhaps it was Re-incarnation. I believe I was John Wilkes Booth in a former life. Binge slowly looks at Zack. Slowly speaks. Binge Uh, ya might want to keep that private, or else "they" will start a file on you. Binge What if my friends see me driving around with ET over here? Athena First of all, you don’t have any friends, I made sure of that months ago, besides, the windows in my car are tinted. Binge Ok, where do I have to take him? Devils Tower? Athena A state forrest west of Atlantic City. Binge Down there? It will take hours. No, I won’t do it. Athena We’ll have sex when you get back. Binge (turning to Earl) Ok, let’s go Yoda. She has a bike with a basket, I wanna try somethin.... Exterior of Athena’s Apartment. Binge sticks his head out of door, looks left and right, walks out with a sheet tied into a sack. Nieghbor's window blinds part. Binge stops at window. Binge YO! Mrs. Kravitiz, YOU GOT A PROBLEM? Stop spying on Athena, Nothing goes on over here. Get a life and slaves of your own! (turning to Earl) Every time someone comes or goes from athena’s apartment, she has to look. Fifty times a day! Binge looses his grip on the tied sack. It slams onto the top step of the third floor steps to Athena’s condo. The sack with Earl tumbles down all three flights. Binge just leans over the rail and watches with numbness. Binge Great. I just pulled a Roswell. Binge and alien in Athena’s white Mercedes, alien looking at Binge with curiosity. Binge is eating fast food from a drive thru. Binge Look Earl, I didn’t mean to laugh at you back there. I mean to each his own. I just never heard of this fetish. Is there a web site where I can learn more? (holds up box of french fries) Fries? It’s funny, because earlier today I was talking about this stuff with a buddy. About ghosts and god and stuff, I said if I can’t see it ` or touch it, I don’t believe in it. Cool costume by the way, what is that? Spandex or Latex? Binge pinches Earl's suite. Car pulls up to a red light the stalker chick is preparing to cross the street with 2 boxes of wine. Binge pulls up so the passenger door is even with her. Binge I just have to do this, play along. Binge rolls down passenger window, Stalker chick looks in, her eyes bug out. Binge elbows the Earl and points to Stalker Chick. Binge See her? When you get back to your ship swing by the trailer park to abduct her. (slight whisper) and do the butt probe thing, the biggest one you got. Stalker chicks eyes bulge more, her jaw drops. Earl points to her and nods, Binge smirks and rolls the window back up. The car pulls away, Stalker Chick drops the boxes of wine and looks about for others who might have seen it. Stalker chick Did anyone...see..The alien..I’m not nuts anyone else? ...please say you saw..... Earl is standing next to the Mercedes looking up. Binge goes to climb in. Binge Ok Earl, I’m outta here. I don’t know where your little game goes from here. I don’t want to know what you do now. Look, uh, may the force make you prosper or whatever. Binge takes off down dirt road dust spraying up. Mercedes sits at an intersection, a gas station and food mart on corner, several people pointing up to sky in awe, slight panic. Binge is playing with the car radio not even noticing the commotion outside of car. In alien craft, three aliens the one is is bent over. Other aliens stand behind him, laugh. EarlEarl Grey (alien voice) Translater voice It's called a Popcycle stick. One of you son of a beakers will have to remove it. Jody at supermarket, the conveyer is loaded with junk food for munchies She glances at the tabloids. Jody picks one up, reads headline. Tabloid Headline ALIEN SEX SLAVES FOUND IN NEW JERSEY! Artist frees captured alien from S&M sex queen! Jody returns it to rack hesitantly. END		She kicks over a plant and collapses against wall. She stares blankly. Athena Ha! Universally men are just pigs! Binge is walking down Main St. His phone rings, he looks at it Binge I don’t believe she has the nerve to call me. He continues on, the phone starts to ring a second time Binge I am not going to answer it. Nope. He stops to look in the window of a bathing suite store, well endowed mannequins are in the window wearing bikinis. His phone starts to ring the third time. He answers Binge Hi hon...I miss you too...what do you need? Athena’s apartment Athena I need you to drive a client home. Binge on street Binge You got a lot of friggin nerve! I put up with a lot crap from you. I’m tolerant of your profession, I didn’t say squat last week when you had me over for a romantic dinner only to find out it was being served by a forty five year old guy in a carhop uniform on skates. Then you had to spank between courses! I don’t even blink anymore when I find a naked man bound and gagged in your bath tub! But now you want me to drive their kinky asses home.... Binge walking down Main St. An ex-police car turned into Keysburg Beach Taxi slowly rolls up next to him. Zack leans over to speak out passenger side window. Zack Exhaustion, depression, no will to live look in the eyes...going over to see the woman you love? Binge Does it show? Zack Get in. Binge gets into the front of cab Binge Thanks. Some nights going over there feels like the cliche death penalty walk scence. Though they faced a faster and less painfull death. Zack So what mission of mayhem does she have planned for you tonight? Is she going to ask you to help spank Bon Jovi or someone? Or help untie the Govener from her toliet, AGAIN. Binge I am getting tired of doing that crap. It’s like I’m her Roadie or something, man. Now she wants me to drive one of her clients home. Zack (deriding laughter) OH MAN! What a sap! Remember when she had you help her blackmail that vetenarian from Coast City? Binge He owed her money for psycho-sexual therapy sessions and he wouldn’t pay. So I just went over with my dog and a few photos. Thirty grand, and free shots for me and my dog. Zack Look at you dude, makin clients pay up, tossing asses when it’s time to leave. Mr. Pimp Daddy ridin with me. Binge NO! Don’t even go there....well ok sure, I guess. Look, when you're involved with a woman who works in the adult entertainment industry, you have to have a certain...composure. Zack Composure? Like when she asked you to come over and remove a guy’s junk from a shop-vac hose? Binge He couldn’t go to the emergency room, he was a television personality from local news. Zack I’m sure, I ran news camera for 14 years. Theyr’e all a little freaky. A Vacuum? Was it a weatherman? Was it Steve Chloroform from chanel seven? Athena’s apartment Athena Get in here Binge Slams door behind him Athena You weren't followed by men in black suites were you? Binge Just the usual, DEA agents and bill collectors. Athena Prepare yourself for this... Binge What manner of sexual freak is this one? A better question might be: What did you get his genitals stuck in? Athena’s apartment is very metro modern, alot of art and chic furniture. On the door of one room a country style dried floral wreath, with a folk art looking sign that reads: DUNGEON.As the door is opened, the alien is seen cowering in the corner. Binge’s jaw drops, look of shock. Sudenly he bursts into uncontrollable laughter, doubling over. Athena (calmly) Binge, what is so funny? Binge I thought I had seen it all over here, men dressed like babies, dressed like schoolgirls, ballerinas, pirates, priests, cowboys, clowns even. But this little dude with the ET fetish beats them all... Athena Huh?..uh yea, that’s what it is...a fetish, it’s the latest kink from Japan. This is... Earl,...Earl Grey. For it to work for him, he has to stay dressed like this until you drop him off in the woods. Bottom of steps, the white bedsheet sack is motionless as Binge runs down the steps to it. He stares at it for a few seconds, turns to look up steps to Athena’s. Looks back at Earl, shakes his head. Binge That sucked. The sack stirs slightly. Binge YESSSSSSS! Super Freak Earl lives! Binge looks up to see Mexican landscapers staring at him. Binge It’s a uh, uh weather balloon. Binge and Earl in the car Binge Oh man that was too perfect! She thought you were for real. As if she’s not paranoid enough! Binge is driving with a cup of soda in his right hand. Exterior on highway: A truck cuts off the Mercedes from the left, Binge swerves, dumping soda and ICE into Earl’s lap. Alien starts to scream and flail about in the car. The car swerves back and forth thru traffic causing others to spin out. Mercedes spins out in grass median, feet away from a state trooper asleep in his patrol car. Mercedes slowly pulls away back into traffic. Binge Good luck trying to talk my way out of that one. Man! Why did you freak like that? It was only ice and soda, it’s not like it was hot coffee. Earl, there was a couple of times I had to put ice on my junk after a night with Athena. Mercedes exits thru toll booth, down secondary road. Finally turns onto a dirt fire trail, proceeds thru pine barrens to a clearing. Binge Ok, I guess this is where she meant. Her directions got very vague after the exit number. Oh, I see she pierced your nipple for you. (whisper) Earl, it's a radio tracking device. I got mine on the first date. Thanks for the help. Earl pulls out a very fancy cell phone, dials. Binge Is that one of those GPS things? Oh sorry (snicker) Is that how...you...comunicate...with...the ...mutha...ship? (snicker) Binge gets out, dials cell phone. Binge Theen...yea we're here...I guess it is, he navigated. Thank god wer’e out in the middle of nowhere. I was afraid he was taking me to a Star Trek convention. I wouldn’t go to one of those no matter how much sex you promised me. Athena is on phone in her robe. steamy bathroom, freshly showered. Athena Ok, if you're sure you're in the right location Reach under my sunvisor and you’ll find one of my cell phones, hit redial and listen. Binge dials second phone, he holds one up to each ear. The one beeps out the 42 digit number Binge Jeeze, what’s number? Mars? Binge It’s ringing.... SFX buzzing, crackling sound of alien voices Binge Sounds like a fax machine or something. Athena Perfect. Leave him, get the hell out of there now! Binge Whatever. Athena’s apartment, Binge walks in, Gimp is just finishing with Athena’s pedicure. Binge Hey Gimp, new collar? Gimp Hi Binge. Yes it is. You don't think it's too much, do you? Binge Uhm, nah, naah. With so much black on, you can away with it. Athena Go back into the cupboard Gimp! Gimp Yes ma'am.. Gimp disappears into the kitchen cupboard door slams Binge (turns to viewer) Some guys would be bugged out about a girlfriend with her own gimp. I don’t care, he does all of the chores around here so I don’t have to. Athena Are you talking to your imaginary audiance again? Knock it off, it gives me the creeps. I’ll give you credit, I asked you to do something and you didn’t fudge it up, I’m impressed. Ok I’ll give you sex now... Binge just stares at the floor Athena What’s wrong with you? Binge Can we do something different tonight? Athena What level of kink haven’t we tried yet? Binge How about we light a few candles, and just sit on the couch and cuddle? Athena Cuddle? (smiles) You're sweet, I think that’s a first for me. Athena’s couch, she is on Binge’s chest, her hand caressing. Athena Binge... Binge Hmmmm? Athena What do you think the meaning of life is? Binge Just to find someone who accepts you for who you really are, and you can be yourself with. Athena Kind of sounds kinda like love... Binge I guess it is, like how I kinda love you. Athena I kinda love you too Binge. Athena leans toward Binge as to kiss him, she stops short. She reaches over and tweaks his nipple hard Binge OW! Athena (Giggle)
		NEXT
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