Thanksgiving Day Special page 4


Scene:Lance and Jody’s Lance on couch playing PS2, his head turns, "tap-tap" Lance answers door, Binge falls face down Lance Christ dude! What happened to you? Binge The most incredible experience of my life! Lance You look like a Nick Nolte mug shot. A look of confusion and shock on Binge's face Binge The club...lap dance...Athena...goddess Lance DAMN! I had to stay home and watch a chick flick Binge Never seen anything like her Lance Hot huh? Binge Or had a lap dance like it Lance Are you missing a tooth? Binge I got a face dance too. Lance Sweet. Binge Dude, I exaggerate not when I say she was the perfect woman. Lance How much did you spend? Binge Total? $2,800, my father's gold watch, and I think my eternal soul. Lance Damn! I fell like a sap when I give $20 to the daughter of the Russian scientist. Jody yells from off screen Jody What? Lance uhhhhhh Binge HEY! He's fighting terrorism! Binge I kid you not man, it was the most incredible sexual experience of my life and we weren't even naked! Athena DeCruel everything a man could want in a woman. Jody speaks from off screen Jody You have sooooooooooooooo gotten your last meal here. Lance Cool. What did she do? Binge strikes a contorted pose on couch Jody walks back in Jody This is why you are not allowed on the furniture anymore. Binge I'll e-mail you the details. I can't wait to sell some more artwork so I can go back. Jody How about spending your money on...oh I dunno...RENT? FOOD? CREDIT CARD DEBT?? Binge You are sooo materialistic! Jody Unlike Vagina DeCrud I suppose! Binge ATHENAAAA DE-CRUEL! Jody Like I said. Scene:Binge’s apartment Exterior Lance, Jody, Sugar in yard talking Sugar He stole the tops off of my lamp posts, 2 lawn chairs, a garbage can, and the antenna off of my car! Lance OK, we'll talk to him Sugar He's got me so upset, I’ve been drinking Margaritas since 9:30 this morning! Now I have to show a client a house. If I get a D.U.I. it’ll be ALL BINGE’s FAULT! Jody Uh, yea. Sugar It all started the day after thanksgiving. Lance uh oh. Jody (on cell phone) Information? Emergency psychiatric services in Keyburg beach... Lance Hold on, let's see what's going on first. Lance and Jody at Binge's front door Jody Binge! It's Lance and Jody! Lance We just stopped by to see if you needed anything... Jody Like electroshock, lithium or something. Lance Guess what I haaaaaave... Lance holds a joint to the door door opens a crack Binge Can I have it? Lance Can we come in? Jody Do you promise not to take us hostage? Lance Can we see what you're working on? Binge I dunno, it's not done yet... Jody Please? Binge You might not be able to handle it, it has driven me mad already. Scene:Binge’s apartment Lance & Jody looking at the unseen artwork Lance Wow. Jody It's twisted but great Lance Dude, this has to be your best yet. Jody It's a.... Binge The title is Goddess Domina Lance You snapped, but in a really good kind of way. Jody How much do you think you'll get for it? Binge NOOOOOOOO! I'll never sell it, or leave it's feet. Jody oh-kaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Lance can I see you outside? Scene:Binge’s apartment Exterior Jody We’ve seen him in bad shape before, but never like this. It looks like he’s hasn’t slept in weeks. It’s that sculpture. Perhaps if we got it away from him he might return to his version of normal. Lance I bet if we took it to the gallery it would sell. Jody He could use the money, He blew everything he had on that leather floozy on Thanksgiving. Lance Floozy? Who uses the word floozy anymore? I'll knock him out, you grab the sculpture. Jody NO! I want to be the one to smack him on the back of the head, you carry it. Lance and Jody in car, glimpse of sculpture in backseat Lance (on phone) Yea, yea, we know you don't want to carry any more of his artwork. But this one is his best yet, guaranteed to sell... Lance (turned to Jody) She won't take it in her gallery since what Binge did to her. Jody (Taking the phone) HI, it's Jody, I still have those Marti-Gras photos of you. Good, we'll be right over with the sculpture. Scene:Binge’s apartment Exterior Lance and Jody back at Binge's door Lance I hope he's ok.... Jody He'll be fine Lance You know, after you knocked him out, you didn't have to kick him in the nuts. Jody I wanted to make sure he wasn't faking being knocked out. Lance Yea, but you kicked him in the nuts three times before I stopped you. Jody OK, the last two were just for fun. Scene:Binge’s apartment Binge in a chair, looking OK Binge Hey come on in. Lance How are you feeling? Binge A little tired, I just woke up. Lance We took your new sculpture over to the gallery. Binge Really? Cool! Thanks a lot guys. Jody You OK with that? Binge Yea, I need the money, you guys are the best! I'd hug you if my hernia wasn't acting up. Jody stares at ceiling, whistling	Scene:Lance and Jody’s driving in seperate cars, talking on cell phones. Lance It's been a couple of weeks. Jody Well, if you mowed the lawn you might get some. Lance NO, not that, since Binge has been over. Jody Yea, you're right it has been a pleasant two weeks Lance Yea, but really dull. Jody DULL? Oh, with just me here it's DULL!! Lance No, no that's not what I mean. Well, yea kind of.... Jody Get home and mow the lawn. Lance hanging up the phone in the kitchen, turns to Jody. Lance It was Binge's landlady.. Jody NO! We are not covering his rent again! Lance No not that, she said he's acting kind of weird even for him Jody How so? Bathing? Working? Showing a little self-respect? Lance She described him as "Richard Dryfuss in Close Encounters" kind of weird Binge in bathrobe, pulling up shrubs Lance I'm going over to check on him. Jody I'll join you Lance Why would you want to go? Jody Perhaps deep down I sincerely care about the tortured soul of the artist. A look of skepticism on Lance's face Jody OK, I want to be there when the men in the white coats take him away. Scene: Art Gallery Gallery owner is a woman in her mid 40’s. Jody holds open the door for Lance. Vallerie It better be good, he's a pig and I hate him. Lance and Jody carry in the sculpture, set it up. A look of awe in gallery owner’s face Vallerie Ok, he's a very talented PIG. Lance Just try to sell it, we need to keep it away from him. Vallerie Why? Is he sexually obsessing over it? Jody Jealous? Vallerie French kiss my ass! Lance (Offscreen) Are you two talking about a threesome over there? Scene: Art Gallery owner staring at the sculpture Vallerie It's good, I hate him, It's really good, I really hate him. But what kind of a deviant would buy it? Athena appears Athena I'll take it. Athena standing next to the sculpture of herself, in same pose Athena I don't know why, but this art speaks to me. Vallerie it's...uh..$2,800 Athena GIMP! Get over here with your wallet. A leather bound Gimp with credit card in handcuffed hands, look of disgust on Vallerie' face Vallerie Master Card, of course. Athena Now carry it out to my Mercedes. Next Page