Hell In A Bucket

Binge Episode Four: Hell In A Bucket
Written and Drawn by Eric T. Styles
Edited by John Tuttle

Copyright © 2005 All Rights Reserved.
Artwork and story by E. Styles can not be duplicated without expressed permission of the artist. Graphics are property of Bedsoar.com and can not be used without permission.

Scene: Lance and Jody’s living room.
All three are “recreating”. Binge is on
his cell phone.

Binge
Wha?....a hole in the wall? .... I don’t understand. Ok, ok I’ll come over to look at it. What’s that screaming noise in the background? Ok, ok now.

Binge ends call.

Jody
So, what did 'Vampira' want?

Binge
Something about fixing a hole in the wall. She probably paddled some guy’s head thru it again.

Lance
Who are you then? Mr. Handy-Gimp?

Binge
It’s always something. Bullet holes in the bedroom ceiling, more outlets in the dungeon, handcuffs on the toilet, shampooing stains from the rug that I don’t even want to know what they are.

Jody
I have a sick and twisted need to see her place one day.

Binge
It was featured in Better Homes and Dungeons.

Jody
You must be so proud of Martha Stewart DeSade.

Binge’s phone rings. He
doesn’t even look at it.

Binge
It’s her wanting to know why I’m not there yet. Later, oh motionless dudes of the couch.

Jody
Later, oh thug of catwoman.

Lance
ARTFAG!

Binge exits. Lance and Jody pause.
Jody mimics Athena.

Jody
(mimicking Athena)
Oh Binge, I accidentally Krazy glued a client’s genitals to the door knob again. Get over here.

Lance
(mimicking Athena)
Can you remove the Mayor’s head from my toilet?

Jody
(mimicking Binge)
Here’s the problem anglecakes, there’s a midget stuck in the microwave. Let me get my tools.

Lance
Ooooooh, microwave....I just remembered, we have burritos.

Scene: Hell
A large flat glossy black floor
with faint red walls. A lone
figure sitting at a kitchen
table. It’s Satan eating
breakfast cereal. Very ugly,
but like any morning person
look. He hears a thump-splash
sound, slowly turns to see the
spackle bucket splashed across
the floor behind him.

Lance and Jody’s place:
Both on couch, Lance with
a PS2 controller. Jody
flipping thru a catalog.

Jody
I don’t care if he is your friend. That man is just going to Hell in a hand-basket.

Athena’s Apartment:
Binge standing at the
vortex with a wicker basket
full of stuff. He methodically
starts to toss items into the
vortex. A can of shaving cream,
old batteries, a sock, an ashtray,
a live toy poodle, a beer can.

Athena
BINGE! Stop goofing around for the hell of it. I decided to call in a professional.

Binge
Who ya gonna call? …. Ghostbusters?

Athena
A psychic trained in paranormal anomalies.

Binge
Where did you find this so-called expert?

Athena
She has a palm reading stand down on the boardwalk.

Binge
HER?! She’s the nut-job that has been making m life hell for years!

Door bell rings
Athena walks to the door,
opens it. Stalker Chick is
standing there, dressed
new age, holding a ragged
shoebox.

Athena
Madam Double Vision, please come in...

Binge
(under breath) greeeat.

Stalker Chick
I came over as soon as I got your message. Show me the.... (sees Binge) YOU! You sick bastard! You punched a hole in the plasma-psychic shield that protects the earth from inter-dimensional cross breeding! You did all of that just to get me over here!

Binge
(to Athena) Listen to her! She’s a bowl of fruit loops.

Stalker Chick
(to Athena) He has been obsessed with me for years! Every time I turn around he’s right there with his rodent like eyes, hungrily looking at me....

Athena
Sounds like something he would do.

Binge
(to Athena) WHAT?! She’s the sick stalker, NOT ME!

Athena
Sure.

Binge
Both of you go to Hell... second door on the right.

Stalker Chick
Let’s see it.

Binge
Homesick?

Athena
Binge! Let her do her job!

Next Page

NEW SMOKE-O-VISION!
The latest in Computer-Generated Pot Smoke (C.G.P.S.)

Binge at Athena’s door with
spackle bucket and knife.
Door opens,
Atehna is dressed in her work
clothes. Startled, Binge raises
spackle knife in defence. Atehna
just pulls Binge in.

Inside of apartment.

Athena
Finally you're here.

Binge
          Ok, what’s the crisis deJour`?

Athena
This is serious.

Binge
uh-ha

Athena
Follow me into the dungeon.

Binge
Nothing good could ever come of that statement.

As she opens up the door slowly,
a bright red light shines out the door.
A large swirling “vortex” is in the
center of the dungeon. A thin smoke
fills the air.

Binge
I’m going to need more spackle.

Athena
It started last night. I think a client left it here after a session.

Binge
(angrily)
Just left it here? This isn’t the sort of thing one just leaves.

Athena
(half crying)
Oh, I don’t know. During the session he started to speak Latin or something. Then his head spun around. I got a little freaked. I stepped outside for a smoke and a line of Xanax. When I came back this thing was here. (in full cry) MAKE IT GO AWAY!

Binge embraces her,
pats her back.

Binge
There, there, these sort of things just happen. That’s all.

Athena
(totally composed)
Then stop wasting time and do something about it.

Binge shrugs, and throws
spackle bucket into vortex.
It gets sucked in. As the
vortex opens, a sound of
a large group of people
screaming is heard.

Binge
Well, I’m out of ideas.