Black and white dream sequence: Binge is behind
a desk in a very film noir detective set.

Binge narrative:
This dame was drop dead gorgeous with a heart as black as the night she walked out of. She wore danger like a cheap perfume. She wore so much, if she stood still she’d leave a puddle. Her name was Athena, I had never met any skirt like her. I could tell she could drag a man into trouble like an undertow. Time with her would be like treading water in the open ocean. I was looking down at her gams when I heard the hammer pull back on her .38 snub nose. It was pointed at my heart. I never heard any shots, just her repeating my name with each pull of the trigger.

Athena
Binge (muzzle flash)
Binge! (muzzle flash)
BINGE! (muzzle flash)

Binge with a look of shock as
his chest explodes with bullet holes.

Cut to color, Binge in Athena’s bed.
Athena standing over him, poking
her finger into his chest.

Athena
BINGE! Get up!

Binge wakes with a start.

Binge
Huh? Wha?

Athena
Time to go you idiot, I have a client coming over. You have your art opening tonight. Get out.

Binge
Yea, yea, ok.

Binge stumbles half asleep and half
dressed out Athena’s front door.
He passes Mr. Stickle walking toward
Athena’s apartment.

Binge
Hey Sticky.

Mr. Stickle
(deviant laugh)

Scene: Palm Reading shack on a
cold, rainy boardwalk. Stalker chick
is swilling back wine inside. Dank
New Age interior. She answers the phone.

Stalker chick
Madame Double Vision, Adviser.

Binge holds the phone to the
heavily panting dog.

Stalker chick
Hello? Hello?

Dog
(pants)

Stalker chick
Look, I know you're there, I can hear you breathing....

Dog
(pants)

Stalker chick
Who are you?

Dog
(pants)

all three
(snicker like kids.)

Stalker chick
What do you want you sick bastard?

Jody is wiping tears from her eyes.

Stalker chick
Who is this? Sid? Is that you? Tony? Zack? Jem? Binge? Bob?

Dog
(burps)

Stalker chick
BOB! It is you. Want do you want? I told you never to call here again.

Dog starts to clean himself.

Dog
(rhythmic slurping noise)

Stalker chick
Stop that, you know that turns me on.

Jody buries her head in her hands.
Lance doubles over.

Stalker chick
Want to know what color my panties are?

Jody holds out an Oreo to the dog.

Dog
(long drawn out howl)

Stalker chick
Bob! Did you finish already?

Lance grabs phone and ends call.
All three burst out into uncontrolled

laughter.

Lance and Jody half coughing in
a stoner lung spasm.

NEXT PAGE

Binge stumbles into the living
room of a just awaken Lance and
Jody.

Jody
Great, Mr. erotic stories from the Dark Side is here.

Binge
Good morning Glory to you too. What’s the big knot in the back of your hair from? Hmmm?

Lance
How do you always know when we just get up?

Binge
The town’s only police dog howls.

Jody (paniced)
Please tell me that was a joke. Oh god! No! Please tell me that’s not true!

Binge
Wer’e losing her Lance.

Lance
Don’t you have an art show to get ready for?

Binge
I came by to pick up some collateral artwork.

Lance points to art around the room.

Lance
That was one hundred, two fifty....two hundred.

Jody
Ooooh, not that one, I like it.

Lance
Hooooooney, we discussed this.

Jody
Ok, Ok never mind.

Lance
Ok, leave that one.

Binge looks down at an old dog
panting. He turns to Lance.

Binge
Hey, do you guys have that caller I.D. block?

Jody
Why? Are you going to try to call Pat Benetar from here again? Need we remind you of the restraining order she has against you?

Binge
HAD! HAD! That reminds me, I should call her soon to thank her for dropping it.

Lance
She didn’t drop it. The statute of limitations ran out.

Binge
Whatever, whatever. It’s not her, I swear.

Jody
Who?

Binge
The stalker chick.

Jody
Yep. Go ahead, were blocked.

Lance
See? See? You enable him too.

Jody
Only when there’s a potential for humor.

Lance
Dude, Your best one yet. She had phone sex with a dog.

Jody
Ewww, now you have to bathe the dog.

Lance
Huh? She didn’t touch the dog.

Jody
It just seems sick when you phrase it like that. Please wash the dog.

Lance turns to Binge.

Lance
Nice going you perv! Now I have to give a thirty-six year old dog a bath this morning! Grab your hocked art and go.

Binge
Be by about six?

Jody
We’d never miss it. Will Satan’s Vagina be there too?

Binge
I almost think at times you two don’t like her.

Jody
Name one reason why we both should?

Binge
Great body?

Jody
I said ‘We both.’

Long pause

Binge
The ‘Aw” factor.

Pause.

Jody
Ok. There is an aw factor in her. The kind of aw one would have for the Paris Hilton of a Jersey shore resort town way.

Binge
Whoa. Take that back. That is too nasty. How dare you insult my woman of my dreams like that. That was low.

Jody
Ok, your right. I’m sorry, that was too harsh. How about in a Greek Succubus who uses her body to seduce the town idiot to his demise kind of a way?

Binge
Much better. Actually it sounds really hot when you say it like that.

Lance
See you at six.