Fade in on a tail end of a conversation
between a stoned Lance and Binge on the couch.

Lance
I’m just saying you English would’ve starved if not for the Irish....

Binge
Yea, Yea! And you drunken Mics would’ve kill each other if a more advanced society didn't step in to govern the bag-pipe suckers...

Lance
Take that back, or I’ll smack your kinky-tea-sucking face...Jody enters in a rush.

Jody
I see you two are talking world politics. You know there are other nations to talk about. Wars, conflict new ethnic groups to make fun of...

Jody walks up to Lance.
They make eye contact,
a close up of Jody, one
eye brow twitches with a
devilish look. Lance snaps around,
grabs Binge by the collar
and bum rushes him to the door.

Lance
Ok you limy bastard, you got to go now....Lance stops them both short of the door.

Slowly turns to Jody.

Lance
Heeeeeeeey wait a minute. Since when did you ever ask for sex on a Monday? What is going on?

Lance lets go of Binge,
they both turn. Binge leans over to Lance.

Binge
Yea, man. She’s up to something, that’s guilt sex if I ever saw it. I bet she’s been screwing around on you. Want me to leave so you can smack her around a bit?

Lance
No, you better stay to keep me from killing her....

Jody
Oh stop it you two. I’m not falling for the “Good Cop, Dumb Cop” routine.

Binge
Dude, hear what she called you?

Lance
Just tell me what is going on Jody.

Jody
(sheepishly) Well, I went on line to contribute money to the Shore County Animal Shelter. I was going thru the web site....

Binge (to Lance)
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU GOT A NEW PET DUDE! Haaaaa haaaaa, pay up, five bucks.

Lance
Now you only owe me $295. Shud up. Jody?

Jody
His name is Cody. He’s a snowzer mix. He....

Lance
Hooooooooneeeey, we don’t have the time or resources to look after another 37 year old dog. We are not a canine make a wish.

Jody
Codys not that old, he’s less than two....

Binge
Haaa, a mutuant mutt. Or a total psycho-bull that mauls children. Dude, you better up your homeowner insurance. There’s a school yard down the street Did you ever fix fence?

Lance
Shud up Binge. (turns to Jody) Well?

Jody
Let me bring Cody in...
As she disappears, Binge slowly starts to hum the theme to Jaws. Humming increases as he hears her return. Cresendo with both Lance and Binge shrieking at the dog. The dog remains out of frame.

Lance
MY GOD! What’s wrong with it?

Binge
DUDE! She brought you home a Chubracabra...

JODY
STOP! You’ll hurt his feelings. He’s sensitive about his looks.

Binge
My eyes are sensitive too.

Lance looks down calmly.

Lance
Well, he is a conversation starter.

Binge
Exactly, what end are we looking at here?

Jody
Stop teasing him, that’s why all of our pets hate you.

Lance (pointing down)
Ok, this is the front, look part of a toungue.

Binge (looking down)
Ok, if that’s the toungue, then where’s the nose? See that? Those can’t be ears, there’s only one. It must be a tail. Wait! Something just blinked, I hope it is the front of the dog....it’s a dog? Right Jody?

Jody
He has this thing about attacking lawn mowers and trying to bite the blades.

Binge
Snowzer with no Snoz. Perfect home for it, Lance never mows the lawn.

Jody
EXACTLY MY POINT!

Lance
Hey! I mow it at the end of August when I get the summons. It’s less money than I would have spent on gas for the lawn mower. I have a spread sheet to prove it.

Binge
How exactly does this dog eat?

Jody
Blender and a tube...

Binge
Athena has me do that to the GIMP ocasionaly. It’s a lot of work.

Lance
Ok, ok he can stay. Just throw him on the pet pile with the rest.

Jody
Ok, I’ll bring in the rest of him and his dish.

Jody exits.

Binge (to Lance)
Who was it’s last owner? Jigsaw?.

Fade to black.