Opening: Horrific images of monsters and gouls being blown to bits by assorted weapons. (video game parody) Excessive blood and gore
SFX: Guns, explosions, screams of creatures.

Lance on couch, PS2 controller in hand, bong nearby.

Lance
(sniff)

SFX: Snack bag crinkling, crunching sound

Lance
Honey... are we having nacho chip casserole for dinner? Cool!

Jody
When are you going to put that down?

Lance
When I finish this level, I just have to destroy the portal to hell...

SFX: Phone rings

Lance answers, tries to keep playing.

Lance
Dude, whatz up?

Binge in Athena's apartment

Binge
Yo, do you guys want to join Athena and me to the mall?

Lance
(looks toward Jody) I can ask but I doubt it...

Binge
Come on, you guys just don't like Athena becuase you never really
got to know her.

Lance
We don't like her because she's Satan with a vagina.

Jody
(offscreen) You must be talking to Binge.

Binge
Dude, that new game you want is out.

Lance
(turning to Jody) Can we go to the mall puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze?

Jody
If it gets you off the couch and out of your bathrobe, sure.

At the mall

Jody
(to Lance) You didn't tell me Belzeboob was joining us.

Lance
Give her a chance.

Jody
To do what? Start armegedon? Possess the bodies of children?

Binge and Athena walk up to Lance and Jody

Binge
(to Athena) Babe, you remember Lance and Jody.

Athena
Yea, so?

Athena turns and walks on

Jody
(to Binge) Wow, she is such a charmer!
Did she get a personality implant, or is that the only natural thing on her?

Binge
Hey, deep down she's very shy and sensative. You have to look past her..

Jody
BOOBS?

Binge
... Somewhat cold exterior

Binge and lance going into a video game store "Joystick"

Lance
So how are things going between you two?

Binge
I think it's starting to get a little serious.

Lance
Really? How so?

Binge
Remember I told you she had four other guys besides me?

Lance
I thought the number was higher.

Binge
Well now it's just two other guys

Lance
Sounds like she's settling down.

Athena and Jody looking in pet store window

Jody
Wook at da BUNNIES!! I wuv BUNNIES!

Athena
Me too, I have several coats made from them.

Jody
(Blank Stare) Hell called, they want to know when thier receptionist will be back.

Athena
Funny.

Lance and Binge walk up behind them

Binge
Check out the two Pameranians humping!

All four outside a Victoria Secret type of store.

 

Lance
Come on Hon, let's go in

Binge
Nothing good can come from this.

Inside of store, the guys split up, Athena and Jody go to the sale table. Sign reads "SALE 75% off" Jody rumages thru panties, reads tags.

Jody
Shit, Xtra Small (tosses panties to the side, Athena picks it up)

Xtra Small (tosses panties to the side, Athena picks it up)

Xtra Small (tosses panties to the side, Athena picks it up)

Xtra Small (tosses panties to the side, Athena picks it up)

Athena walks away with an armfull of silk panties

Jody
(whisper) Reason #187 to hate her.

Binge by himself, near racks of intamint appearal. Pulls a nighty from the rack, looks at it, hold it up to himself in front of mirror. Catches himself, hastilly stuffs back into rack while looking about for witnesses.

Lance and Jody thumbing thru a rack of Pajamas, back to back with Athena who is on her phone talking business with her manager.

Lance
Hon, why are you looking at pajamas?

Jody
Theyr'e warm

Athena
(on phone) Angelo, hi sweety...

Lance
(to Jody) Yea, but, you could get those at Buy-Mart

Athena
(on phone) I just got an idea for my next fetish video, HELL'S RECEPTIONIST

Athena very casually starts to stuff clothing in Lance's back pack while he's talking to Jody.

Lance
(to Jody) Come on, let's get something sexier for you...

Jody
Why? Do you want me to dress like Super Tramp? (motions towards Athena)

Athena
Work on the script this weekend, men cast into hell, sexy receptionist tortures them, whathave you.

Binge at sale table, shooting thongs across store like rubber bands, aiming for the arm of a manequin.

Athena
I'm picking out the waredrobe now...
(stuffs more clothes into Lance's Back Pack, while he's unaware.)

Binge walks over doing "cats Craddle" with a thong

Athena
(grabbing Binge's arm) Let's go.

Lance and Jody follow, as they exit very loud alarm goes off, security gaurds come running toward store.

Lance
(to Jody) BOBBY SUE PLAN!!

Both run in differant directions, Lance gets tackled by several gaurds.Binge and Athena watch, Binge looks confused, Athena very calm.

Athena
Let's go to the car

Athena and Binge in parking lot, Binge's phone rings.

Binge
What happened? ...Where is he?

Jody in mall peering around a corner

Jody
They have him in the mall security office.

Parking lot

Binge
They have Lance, I have to go get him out.

Athena
He'll be fine.....

Binge
No, he's my friend, I have to go help him.

Athena
Well, ok, I guess I could help you since I might have been slightly responsible for him being there.

Binge
How so?

Athena and Binge walk into a Paintball supply store at the mall

Clerk
Binge, what your talking is suicide, thats a maximum security mall office, it's never been done before. What will you need?

Binge
Paint, we're going to need lots of paint.

(Paintball racks appear as in the Matrix)

Inside a glassed walled security office Lance cuffed to chair, AGENT SMITH looking guy

Lance
Who the fuck are you?

Detective
You may think I'm just another mall cop. I'm not. I'm a mall detective.

Lance
That explains the ugly suite.